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When something upsetting in our lives happens it often feels easier to distract ourselves rather than face it.
A loved one dies
you lose your job
A relationship breakdown
Money worries
Lose your home
An unplanned pregnancy..... to name just a few
I'm not denying that distracting ourselves can be really useful, either to be able to put things in perspective, allow us to put in a plan, or to give us some relief. There are plenty of things to distract ourselves with too.
Whether it's with retail therapy, alcohol, work, affairs, hobbies, online gaming....... the distractions are endless
Busy, Busy, Busy.
The problem is that keeping buy stops you from connecting with your emotions, and feeling the pain that's related to it.
Ask yourself whether it feels too uncomfortable to sit with those fears and worries? Does it feel too uncomfortable to think about? Does it mean that you find the situation too difficult to face, and by ignoring them they may go away?
I don’t suggest for one moment that you dwell on those feelings, but what I do suggest is that you allow yourself to get in touch with them, and allow yourself to experience them.
Suppressing those emotions can be unhealthy both emotionally and physically. It can lead to numbing not only those you are trying to avoid, but others too, that you really don’t want to suppress.
It’s more helpful to sit with those feelings and examine them. Are those feelings related to the current situation, or have they been there for a lot longer?
It’s ok to feel, worried, upset, sad, scared, angry, helpless because they are normal reactions to an abnormal situation or traumatic events from the past.
Numbing yourself can lead to detaching yourself from others, and that’s a lonely place to be in. You feel isolated,
It may feel safer to attach yourself to things, possessions, or even virtual characters, but you can’t achieve the same level of attachment. We are social beings and we need to connect with each other.
Now is a great time to get to know yourself, and your relationships – your partner, lover, children, parents, children, and friends. Rather than numbing yourself and not being available.
Distracting ourselves is important, but understand why you are doing it and whether it’s a healthy activity. If you would like to talk about anything that's worrying you, I'm more than happy to arrange an informal chat. Email me at info@wendycapewell.co.uk
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